The day my Dad walked my step sister down the isle.

This is a picture of my [pretty much] step sister looking up at my Dad as he walks her down the isle on her wedding day. I'm the one who took this picture.

For so many reasons, I've never been more proud of a photo. 

If you didn't know, I'm the child of divorced parents. I'm the child of a marriage that did not work.  It happened when I was 12 years old and it was not easy. It wasn't easy to see my parents hurt. It wasn't easy the first time I saw each of them with another person. It wasn't easy to live out of a suitcase for the 12 years following. It wasn't easy to have two homes. It wasn't easy [& it still isn't] to split the holidays.  In fact, it was one of the most difficult things I've experienced in life. It changed my view of relationships & commitments. It made it hard for me to let people in & even harder for me to let people go. Its the reason I can't just let things end. It's the reason when days go bad in my marriage, my mind can't help but think of the worst. It's the reason I hate divorce. 

But, as hard as it was, I still joke and say I was the most blessed child of divorce there ever was. 

I am blessed because despite everything my parents always put me first & I don't mean that in a selfish way. I mean they never let their problems interfere with continuing to raise me, together. I rarely ever saw my parents argue because they always made an effort to not do it in front of me. In fact, I never knew anything was wrong until the very end. For me, there was no custody battle, they let me decide where I wanted to go & when I wanted to go there. To this day, I still don't know the details of why things happened the way they did, because out of respect for me and each other they never talked about it in front of me. I never once heard either of them say bad things about one another. They never tried to manipulate me or put me in the middle. They never forced their new relationships on me. Even though they were divorced, they were always together as parents for me, making decisions together and finding ways to make ends meet for me, the child they had together. 

I recognized at a young age that my broken family was different because my friends going through similar situations didn't have the same experiences as me. I was always thankful for how they were, because had they been different, divorce would have been even more traumatic and life altering. I would have resented my parents had one tried to keep me from the other, because as a child I loved them both and I needed them both, equally [& I still do]. 

The first place we ever learn about love is in our home & it is that impression that we carry with us forever. Although I didn't have the worlds greatest example of a marriage to go by, my parents still managed to teach me so much about what love is and what it means by how they loved me & how they continued to show love to me & to one another despite our circumstances. 

My dad called me while my step sister was planning her wedding. I could tell he had something important to talk about. He asked me if I cared if he walked her down in the isle on her wedding day. The truth is, I had been expecting that question because I knew what my dad meant to her. Without hesitation, I said I didn't mind at all. 

I was honored to capture this moment.

I am proud of the photo above for the story it tells.  

I am proud because it speaks to lives rebuilt. I am proud because my father has loved his step children as his own. I am proud that my step sister loves & looks up to my father. I am proud that my step mother worked so hard to raise her children & witness this moment happen. 

I am proud because what you don't see is my mother at the back of the isle helping me that day & my step mother sitting in the front row with a proud heart watching her daughter walk down the isle with my father.

I thought about the significance of this moment when it happened, but as I began to work on these photos it really sank in.

Two families who despite all odds taught their children love & still continue to do so. Three parents who recognize that their actions directly influence their children. Three parents who did what it took to ensure their children had the best lives they could give them. 

I didn't ask to be a child of divorce and I know my parents didn't ask for it either, but I am thankful for everything they have shown me through it. It has only made me more grateful for who they are & what they have done.

I pray that more families can be like them. That more families can be civil through divorce. That more families can recognize that regardless of their situation they are still parents, together. That more families can know that the words they say & the things they do in front of their children are shaping their future & how they will someday love & treat those in their life. That more families can see that their marriage or situation doesn't have to be perfect to teach their children what unconditional love looks like. 

I pray that more children can be as proud as I am-- that they can look back on the heartache and be grateful for the love still. 

Where I am today & how I got here...

About four years ago I was at a crossroads—the one where you have to choose a college major. The one where you have to decide what you want to do for the rest of your life.  For the previous 19 years, I had my heart set on becoming a veterinarian, but somewhere between Chemistry and Zoology, I decided that wasn’t for me. So there I was, 3 years of college under my belt and still no idea where I wanted to go with my life, where I wanted to invest my time and money or who I wanted to become in the career world. But, I did know one thing, I wanted to help people. I wanted a job that when I came home everyday I would know I made a positive difference in other’s lives. So, I started researching and that’s when I learned about occupational therapy. It offered a good pay, with an increasing number of available jobs, and most importantly, it was all about helping others to live their lives better. I thought it would be perfect for me so, I met with my advisor and applied to the program. Unfortunately, my advisor pretty much guaranteed that my GPA was not going to get me into the program. She told me I needed a plan B, which would more than likely become plan A. You see, my whole life I had been a straight A student, but the first three years of college weren’t the absolute greatest for me. I made a lot of poor decisions. Some so bad that one semester by GPA was barely greater than the price of a McDonald’s sweet tea. I left my advisors office crying, pretty certain I had ruined my chances at becoming anything. I started developing a plan B and it was an Art degree, because I loved art and it didn’t require a 3.8. I cried some more, I prayed about it. I told God I was placing this decision in His hands. I came across the following verse, “A man’s heart plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps,” (Proverbs 16:9), and I prayed for faith to believe it was true. I waited several months to receive a letter from the OT department and when it finally came, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I had been accepted into the program, bad GPA, poor decisions and all. I truly couldn’t believe it had happened, but it was the confirmation I needed to know that this was exactly what I was supposed to do with my life.

The first semester in the program I absolutely loved it, but that’s about as far as the love made it. Every semester thereafter up until one month ago, I hated it. I hated it to the point where I honestly believed that I hated occupational therapy, too. To the point where I knew in my heart that I wasn’t going to use this degree. To the point where if you asked anyone in the program who despised it most, they would without a doubt say it was me. I complained about every paper, every test, every thing. I choose to not see the good in any of it. There’s a pretty good chance I drove the people around me insane. I had no faith and I knew I had made the wrong career decision, even though I had given that decision to God. This past December, I told my friends that unless I went to fieldwork and something major happened, that I would never be an occupational therapist. 

Somewhere between all of the hate, I became inspired by a video project to begin pursuing wedding videography and photography. I videoed my first wedding a year and a half ago and I loved it, so I kept doing it. I began seeing videography as my future, as my bread and butter. What could be better than taking your hobby and turning it into job? Absolutely nothing. I mean don’t they say that if you love your job, you never work a day in your life? So basically, if I did videography I’d never work and it would be rewarding because I'd get to help people capture some of the best moments of their life. Heck yes, videography was the whole package! I began the plans of making my business official and I knew this was going to be what I did for the rest of my life. But the more I got into it, when I actually starting getting paid to do it, the more I started to realize that turning my hobby into my job maybe wasn’t as great as I thought. When the pay came, so did the stress. So did the hours upon hours upon hours of sitting in front of the computer. So did the weekends spent away from my friends and family at a wedding or editing away. So did the creative meltdowns. With every inquiry I got or wedding I booked, I became a little more stressed about it. I was doing all of this on top of going to school and working and it was just too much. Truth be told, getting paid to do my hobby kind of took the fun out of it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all bad, but it’s not all great either… as with anything. But, as much as I loved videography and as much as everyone around me encouraged me that this was the job I needed to do, I began questioning whether or not I wanted to.

My first day of fieldwork for OT was January 5, 2015. I walked into Shriner’s scared to death. Despite the fact that I had made straight A’s throughout the entire OT program, I was certain I had no idea what I was doing. I had no clue how to treat a client. And don’t forget, I hated occupational therapy. I was pretty certain I would love the children, but I wouldn’t love the job. Over the past month and a half, I’ve learned that I was completely wrong. For the past 4 years, my professors have told me that I’m going into the greatest profession ever and only now am I beginning to understand what they meant. It’s not about the job itself, but it’s about the people. Every single day I am inspired by my clients. I’m inspired by their stories, strength, and perseverance. I’m not sure I’ve taught them anything, but they’ve taught me more than they could ever imagine. There hasn’t been one day that I’ve left Shriner’s and not been humbled by what I’ve experienced. I cry happy tears at least once a week and I’ve felt God’s spirit within those hospital walls every single day. When Solomon wrote Proverbs, he wasn’t kidding when he wrote that our hearts plan our ways, but Lord directs our steps. When I handed my career decision over to God four years ago, He knew that being accepted into the OT program was right for me, even though I doubted it every single day for four years. I’d be lying if I said I was confident in myself as an occupational therapist and I would definitely be lying if I told you I feel like I know what I’m doing—because most days I still have no idea. But I do know that this is where I am supposed to be.... I’ve never been so sure.

So, what’s the point in this story? There’s a few. First and foremost, it’s to say that in life it may take us years and years to understand God’s plan, but it’s most definitely worth the wait. It’s to say that God’s plan isn’t always the easy and beautiful route, in fact, it may be the hardest. It’s to admit that I’ve been wrong and to say that I’m sorry to those of you who had to put up with my negativity for the past four years.  It’s to admit that my professors were actually right. It’s to say that I have no idea exactly what the future holds, but if I choose to have faith and give it to God, it will probably be much better than I expected.

I'm eating those words I spoke to my friends back in December, because It’s to say that I will be an occupational therapist and videography/photography will continue to be my “hobby.” I will only be taking on a very small number of weddings and videography projects each year, 10 or less (and probably less). Good thing is, I know a few videographers who are absolutely amazing and passionate about their work and I would love to recommend you to them!

So I’ll leave you with this. If you’re anxious about your future and you don’t know what’s right for you or what’s wrong, just give it to God.

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. I will guide you with My eye.” – Psalm 32: 8